The hard part

Just when you think you’re flying in the sky, life will shoot you down on the ground.
It keeps you in check and is the best teacher that I have ever found.

One day your schedule is full of events and RSVP do’s.
Next day, you hardly have any friends to talk to.

You are surrounded by people and you think it is all good.
But the silent conversations in the dark are moments you might hate too.

One day, I was enjoying dinner with my Grandfather and watching him pray.
A week later, I found myself crying over his grave.

Zero emotions in me as we prepared for his funeral.
Worked like a machine to get formalities cleared.

But the time after was something that I always feared.
When no one’s around you, either near or dear.

When you’re reading the name on the tombstone and tears flow down endlessly.
When you’re alone in the graveyard and all you can do is pray fervently.

This is the hardest that life has hit me with yet.
Felt like my trajectory was in a state of descent.

Took away a huge part of me, both emotionally and mentally.
Will still take a lot of time to recover from it completely.

My Grandfather wanted to see me as a big man always.
I’ll make sure I fulfill his wish, one day.



Mid life crisis

Mid-life crisis is when everyone around you is getting married.
The time when deep down inside, you are actually worried.

You have no clue where your life is heading.
You experience moments, the ones which you have been dreading.

Your ex gets married and is blessed with a baby boy.
While, when at McD, you still expect a happy meal and a toy.

People make references about you growing old.
And you wish to punch them in the face, bruised and cold.

You plan for your Masters but that doesn’t happen.
Everyone moves ahead and this gets you maddened.

You start caring less about your hairstyle or the length of your tie.
And the receding hairline or the beautiful moon in the night.

You give more importance to words like career, ambition, work and promotion.
While giving none for stuff like family, beach, chill out and attraction.

You put on a suit and wish ‘Happy Married Life’ to your peers.
But the thought of you going nowhere is something that you fear.

You keep reminding yourself that the good is yet to come.
And that everything will be perfectly back to square one.

However, when you continue procrastinating, you know this ain’t true.
You know you have got problems in your head which aren’t few.

I’m going through a mid-life crisis myself and there are many things to fear.
If only I could say, “F**k this sh*t, I am out of here”.

                                                                                           – asrartheone

Failure is man’s best teacher, I guess

It’s 3AM here and I’m trying hard to sleep.
But deep down inside, I’m beginning to weep.

How could I lose that match when I was so confident of winning?
How could I be so careless when the trophy was about all I was dreaming?

Three years down the lane without any major tournament win,
is pretty hard for a snooker player to easily sport a grin.

This was my chance to be just for all my hard work.
But at the exact moment, not sure why but I didn’t give a fuck.

It reminded me of my earlier times when I had lost.
Thought of quitting right then; I was that distraught.

Something inside me whispered that I’m closer to winning.
I listened to that voice and continued practicing.

A few minor wins and suddenly a major loss.
Believe me, it’s harder than splitting with Kate Moss.

I remember skipping classes and training sessions years ago.
Friends would be coding and I’d be playing from 9 to 4.

They would roam the city and watch movies on cable.
But all I was interested in were the six corners of a snooker table.

I remember Dad shouting on me and friends making fun of me.
Because I was obsessed with the green baize even in the hours of wee.

But I had faith that the hard work would pay one day.
And I’m pretty sure the day hasn’t come, even today.

Failure is man’s best teacher, I guess.
Need to learn to get over it, like putting on a new dress.

There isn’t a need to carry excess baggage in tow.
And I have come a really long way to give up right now.

I wouldn’t care if you still make fun of me and try to poke.
I’ll be happily practicing snooker while YOU’LL be the joke!

                                                                                                    – asrartheone

Please walk away from me

I would love to sit down and bang some sense into you.
But then I realize that your brain is all messed up with dew.

I take friendship seriously and don’t treat it like a clown.
Then why the fuck do you always have that frown?

When not attending a party, I expect you to sit down and ask me the reason.
Don’t just call me a dumb person and blame me for treason.

I expect you to understand my plight for not attending.
But you don’t give a damn; friendship for you is like bartending.

A drinker is down, another one is up.
Even recollecting their names for you is sometimes pretty tough.

Then how can I expect you to remember my favorite sport?
Or my hobbies, my interests and other things to note?

You had whispered about chocolates and I instantly bought them to you.
For me, it shows that I do, indeed, care for you.

Then you accuse me of being unfriendly, rude and ungentlemanly.
But to this day, I maintain that I wasn’t wrong – pretty confidently.

I remember cancelling many parties just for you, in the hour of need.
Now when you have a birthday plan up your sleeve, you don’t give a damn about me?

I despise you for being weak for always running behind your girlfriend.
You don’t have the guts to clear it out with me over a weekend!

I respect women folk a lot and let me put this straight.
Don’t you ever tell me that I haven’t got it in me, mate.

If you do, back it up with some genuine proof.
Don’t’ just ignore and vanish like a spoof.

You might be thinking that it makes you look cool.
Newsflash! By the laws of stupidity, you are a registered fool!

I respect the institution of friendship and take lots of pride in it.
But for you, it’s all a meaningful joke, you little dimwit.

I don’t give a damn if you don’t turn back at me.
In fact, without your dumbass company, I feel so free.

I’m very bad at faking emotions you see.
So please pack your bags and walk the hell away from me!

                                     – asrartheone 

You just cannot behave with me this way

It might be a good thing if my talk makes you laugh.
But please don’t look down upon me as a dwarf.

Cracking jokes and engaging in good banter is my folly.
But sometimes, your reaction takes the ‘j’ out of jolly.

At the end of the day, smiles are shared and good time is passed.
But don’t jump over my emotions in this way, not-so-fast.

Thinking of me as a joker and not a well-wisher is a mistake.
I am a human being with feelings which are definitely not fake.

When I tell you that talking about ‘something’ offends me in a way,
it means that I am pretty serious about it by means of all fair play.

But when you ignore the above and expect me to be taken for granted,
looks like you don’t respect me as a person, making me feel unwanted.

And when I sense things to be going this way.
I’ll quietly chart my own way and walk away.

Neither am I a little piece of sh*t nor an ill-fated fish.
And you just cannot behave with me as and when you wish.

But if you still think that you can have your way,
well, BLESS YOU and have a nice day!

                                                               –          asrartheone

Let go of your insecurities, I would say . . .

Let go of your insecurities, I would say.
Be honest-to-heart and in the end, it would pay.

You failed to pick the correct trouser for Monday.
How does that give you the right to criticize my fashion sense any day?

I know you secretly harbor a massive ego.
Which, I’m pretty sure, you’ll never let go.

When you raise your voice trying to be the bigger man,
Hoping for it to be admired by every clan,
And secretly praying for that dreaded thing to not happen,
Of which you nest some insecurity equal to the size of The Grand Canyon.

When you wickedly laugh at other’s expense,
And ridicule the good chaps who come to their defense,
You know pretty well that you’re standing on a fence,
Which, between the real and illusion, acts as a trench.

In fact, the same thing happened to you.
Felt ashamed, embarrassed and to your shelf you withdrew.
Even though there was nothing at all to feel that way.
Yet it was your insecurity that dragged you all the way.

When the one in front of you prefers silence to be golden,
Pretty please don’t take it as an opportunity to offend.

You might act tough and hard all day.
Yet I’ll look upon you as a insecure chap anyway.

                                                                                                                        – asrartheone

The day when I won a Gold Medal

Clearly there was tension on my face.
It looked as if I was the sore loser of the race.

It was my X Urdu Board Examination.
I was high on cornflakes and determination.

I had to anyhow top score this day.
Saying this was my immediate aim would be fair.

The top-scorer was promised a Gold Medal and applause.
In front of thousands of students assembled for just this cause.

I dreamt about this prize day and night.
And on the D-Day, was ready to take the fight.

But alas, here I was wandering in the exam compound.
My seat was missing and nowhere to be found.

All my classmates were already scribbling answers in to their sheets.
They were comfy in their seats and were visually upbeat.

They looked at me with a miserable frown.
“Humph! This guy has still not sat down”.

By now, five teachers had joined me in my search.
They were racing up and down to help me find my perch.

After 30 long minutes, I located my seat.
Immediately started writing the exam with high speed.

I felt like a complete idiot having wasted this much time.
And with everyone’s stares, I felt if this was a scene of crime.

I could sense them mocking me.
“Gold Medal? Oh he he he!”

I was lagging behind by half an hour in the mix-up.
Still, I decided to not give up.

For I remembered my dream and the sleepless prep nights.
And the trust my Urdu teacher levied against my might.

A day before the exam, he whispered in my ear,
“Asrar, I have confidence that you’ll win the Gold Medal here ”

And here I was, half an hour late in to the exam.
With a sweaty forehead and thoughts of ‘Oh damn!’

I gave my best and walked out of the exam hall.
Spoke to nobody, either short or tall.

Six months later when I attended the results session,
There were tears in my eyes having learnt a very important lesson.

The lesson I learnt was to NEVER GIVE UP!
And in times of the unexpected, to always keep your chin up.

For once, Mark Twain had rightly said:
It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, It’s the size of the fight in the dog!’

                                                        – asrartheone

(P.S: For those of you wondering, I did top-score that day.
And yes, won the Gold Medal and proudly walked away!)